I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
