He uses pillows to masturbate.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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