can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
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and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
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Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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