The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
