That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
