i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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