he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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