isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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