the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
