i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
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