I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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