told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
