Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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