take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
