What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
