Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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