I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
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