So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
