i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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