I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
