I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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