my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
