I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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