I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
