Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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