I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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