just come out here and I will go home with you...
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
