I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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