I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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