"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
