someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
