this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
