i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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