you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
