I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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