Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
