When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
