Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
