I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
