Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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