And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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