The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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