i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
so let's talk penis.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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