You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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