reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
