Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
