R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
