Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
