I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
