my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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