D3 body, D1 cock
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
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