these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
