Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
