The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
