she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
