dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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