You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
