Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
