how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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