i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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