She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
