Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
