I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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