are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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