My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
