Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It's official drugs can't kill me
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
