So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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