I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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