i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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