Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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