just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Randomize
