i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
