we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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