Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
