I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
