I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I should be sponsored by Trojan
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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